| Dawn Of A new Day |
[Jul. 9th, 2004|12:52 am] |
I went to therepy today, and I guess I have to say it went good. Cathy, give me alot of advice, things that never crossed my mind. I'm not going into too many details right now, cause I am beat. But I did go to my first online OA meeting tonight and really enjoyed it. Its nice to know there are others out there like me. I'm going back to Curves tomorrow, I'm nervous about that, and excited.
Well I'm wiped out, so I'm going to bed |
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| The Paths We Walk |
[Jul. 7th, 2004|08:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
How can we be hurt at those who we choose to push them way, and they leave? How can I be upset that no one has called to see how the docs apt has went, when I chose not to tell anyone about it?
Anyway, I'm off to the therepist tomarrow, Jeffery thinks the operation is still a good idea, he is slightly puzzled about my knee. My bone denistiy test comes back tomarrow also. Then its off to the Othropedics. Me and mom were talking earlier, it never fails, when I'm out of work I get sick. I dont know, its like the Goddess saying...ok time to take care of you.
But as always, this is a path I've chosen to take alone, i dont want to put this on anyone, and I'm not going to be as 'open' as I'd like to be here, in chance someone may see it.... |
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| Happy 4th of July? |
[Jul. 4th, 2004|09:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
Well I've almost made it through this day. Don't get me wrong, I'm just as patrioctic as anyone, but this year has totally sucked for me, and I dont think its going to end anytime soon.
Miss June isnt doing good at all. Her daughter called me this morning, and told me not to worry about coming back up there....she's dying, they are only giving her a few hours, a couple of days at the most. She has been bleeding out her nose...and I dont know, it literally crushed me, and when I asked if I could just come see her, she told me no, not today....it was then it just hit me, I'm not her family, I'm just the 'worker'. I loved June, she filled a place in my heart.
Justin was suppose to call me this morning when he got back home from his Grannies, and its almost 10pm now and he's still not called. I just dont understand how in one week, I can go from being so happy to so scared and miserable.
Things are changing so much and not at all. Anyway, I just wanted to ramble some. Good night. |
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| New Memeber of the Family |
[Jul. 3rd, 2004|11:37 pm] |
I'm going to call her Sage. I went and picked her up from this lady who had wrote up an add in the newspaper about free to a good home, a 6 month old Snow Corn Snake. The snake has been severaly mistreated. The lady told me she could NOT get the snake to eat, well I brought her home and set her up in her new lil tank, and got a baby pink out and she had no trouble eating for me. She is absolutely beautiful. Now I still have the milk snake that I just cant get attached too, so if there is anyone out there looking to buy one, give me a email or something.
I want to post some pics up here of them, but I'm gonna have to learn how to do that first, lol.
Today was pretty cool. Me and the family did somethings together, I think I hit every pet store in Asheville, lol.
Dont really have much to put, my life is pretty boring right now. So I'm going to close. |
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| When Do You know when You have Went Too Far? |
[Jul. 3rd, 2004|06:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
Answer: When you wake up at 3am sitting on your porch with your granny holding your hand and you rocking to and fro not remembering how the hell you got there.
Last night was an absolute doozy. I dont know what put me in the shape I was in, but I was totally fucked. I dont know if I didnt eat enough, or if I ate too much of something, all I know was my mind was totally out of it. My mother had to come in here and instruct me on how to fix me something to eat. I dont know what would have happened if they hadnt of been here. I'm so sleepy and dead headed right now. I'm trying my best to 'revive' myself.
I feel bad about the last entry I wrote....I love Justin with all my heart, and I'd fight anyone who tried to come between us, and I do mean anyone. |
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| Liveing For ME |
[Jul. 2nd, 2004|07:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hell Yeah | ] |
Alright, so for the past 10 damn years I've been living for other people, doing what makes them happy. I mean, when I was younger, I lived for me and I was a hell of alot happier, at least I didnt get hurt all the fucking time, or maybe I was just too stoned to tell. Who knows anymore. So here I am, 4th of July coming up and what was suppose to be one of the happiest times of my life, I find myself yet again picking up pieces. Fuck! I mean, Goddess knows I love Justin with all my fucking heart, but I swear I dont know what I'm going to do. I promised him I'd lay off about the whole moving thing and I am, I mean I hate the fucking fact I've waited so long on this man, but the truth is, I'll continue to wait as long as it takes, but I know I HAVE to regain some sence of myself, I dont know how to do that, all I know is, there is a part of me that is dieing to get back out, and I dont know how much longer I can container her. One of my friends asked me to go honky tonkin' with her tonight and you dont know how fucking tempted I was to go. I dont know ...hell I cant remember the last time I just 'let go' I dont think I even know how anymore. I'll prolly read over this in the morning and think what the hell I was on, LoL. Heh if it were that easy, but why cant it be, I mean, everyone has secrets and everyone seems to think its ok to keep them. Maybe I need a few secrets of my own. |
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